Mommy Guilt

Anybody know what I'm talking about? You know the kind that I mean. The kind that has your heart all tied in knots when you need some big people time and your little ones stand at the door looking all miserable and forlorn as you drive away. Or maybe the kind that stings a little when you let Daddy do the tucking in so that you can write or read or study or whatever it is that you need to do. Maybe you're like me and when your babies look at you with little eyes that you created, you find yourself wondering why you go to work each day and leave them? And then you remember the time you tried staying home, and how you almost lost your sanity?

I've found myself struggling with balance so much recently. The yin and the yang that make up my life have been feuding for control of each other, and I find myself wondering will I ever feel like I'm enough? The kids rooms are clean but I miss our playtime. We have pillow fights and smores by the fireplace but I didn't wash the dishes. I spend hours pouring my heart and soul into my writing only to find my husband already asleep in our bed, our quiet time missed yet again. Some people want to be great..... I just want to be enough.

Does anyone have a recipe for the perfect life? You know 1 hour of dance class, plus 30 minutes of cleaning, followed by 15 minutes of occupational therapy,  stir in 30 minutes of dress up time (no make-up), mix together with separated homework, followed by creamed knees after pulling weeds and the extra gray hairs from your newest stunt rider. Stir well. Bake on high Florida heat. Dip in cool water of pool. Sprinkle with leftover time with honey.

   I guess I have a recipe that's kind of evolving. I'm adding and taking away, and finding the best blend for us. So far it's messy and yeah a little bit cheesy, but its also sweet and tender and oh so filling. And you know what? It's enough. I'm enough.

And yes I have to repeat this to myself over and over again I will. Because I am. And you are. All of us battling in the parenthood trenches doing our best for our kids, for ourselves, for each other. We may not be perfect, we may not be great, but what we are is enough....

As Maya Angelou said,

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Here's to feeling loved.....

Sweet dreams my friends. That is all<3