Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The blank screen

     I set this blog up weeks ago. I needed a place to put my thoughts, an outlet on the nights that there’s so much in my head that it won’t turn off and sleep is an unattainable goal. But I see this blank screen if front of me and it’s intimidating. Where do I start? I’ve started this first post countless times. What should I write? I mean there's nothing exciting or glamorous about my life. My right ring finger is becoming intimately connected to the backspace button. But not tonight. Tonight as my four babies lie snugged in their beds, and my husband clicks through 500 channels before he finally settles for the first one just to change again during commercial break, I've got it. That feeling. The one where the planets align and you know, just know, that this is exactly where you're supposed to be, doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. I wish I could reach out and grab it up and bottle it for a day when life is not so easy, and I'm not so sure. We all have them. Maybe you've had to make the rough choice to end an unhappy marriage but you're lonely. Maybe the economy has forced you to make some tough financial decisions, and you find yourself wondering what you could have done differently. Maybe your new baby was born with a "little something extra", and you pray everyday that you're being the mommy he needs you to be. No one likes these times. We all want things to be easy, but it's these defining moments in our lives that show us how great we can truly be. We rise to the occasion and become something more. Something we never thought we could be and it's beautiful to behold.
   The last few years have brought some unexpected twists to the path I had plotted for my life. There are days like today when I feel confident that I know the way. Likewise there are days when I find myself lost or uncertain, wishing that this life of mine came with a map. There are no maps to lead me from point A to point B, but on these days of doubt I take comfort in others that walk a similar path. They inspire me, and I have learned that more often than not the most beatiful vistas can be seen only after navigating the most treachorous terrain, that breathtaking sights lie just off the beaten path. There is no map to life, but maybe getting lost isn't so bad. Maybe we need to get lost sometimes to really find ourselves.

1 comment:

  1. An amazing start. I am so looking forward to following you and the family.